Happy!!!

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Valentine’s day has always been my least favorite holiday. That I have not yet had the experience of a happy, healthy, loving relationship had everything to do with my dislike of the day.

The feeling that everyone else but me was celebrating love that day was painful. On ordinary days, I could bury my head in my work or the million things a single mom has to handle and distract myself from the fact that I was alone. But on Valentine’s day…there was no choice. My alone-ness was there to smack me upside the head.

I could easily hide the real reason I disliked Valentine’s day, by jumping on the “tsk tsk…it’s all so commercialized” bandwagon. I beat that horse for many years.  I’ve also done the “Oh, I don’t care. I’m single and I’m over it” thing. And there have been Valentine’s days that I’ve spent in a puddle of tears, wallowing in self-pity, wondering what was wrong with me that made me so undeserving of love in my life.

Yesterday, when I remembered that today was Valentine’s day, I had some completely new thoughts around it that surprised me. At the beginning of the year my new year’s resolutions were centered around joy and happiness. I made a list of things that made me happy and I resolved to do them this year. See below:

new years resolutions

It was a watershed moment of realizing that there’s no need for me to wait for someone special in my life to do the things that I love to do. I can do them for myself.  I have been growing by leaps and bounds in the area of loving myself, of caring for myself, of being with myself and not running away from or abandoning myself. This has been some difficult work, as I’ve had to look into some of the dark places in my life and heal some pretty deep wounds.  And I’m proud of myself for doing the work.

This morning I didn’t just wake up on the right side of the bed. I woke up on the right side of life!

For the first time I woke up on Valentine’s day happy.

For the first time I had ideas about how to celebrate the love that I now feel for myself.

For the first time I can truthfully say that I don’t care that I don’t have a man or a relationship in my life, because I am in my life and it’s a pretty good life.

For the first time I experienced a huge wave of gratitude for my life exactly as it is, right now, without wanting anything else to be different. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to sink into gratitude so deeply.

Happiness is a way of travel not a destination

At 40, I am an intelligent, accomplished and beautiful woman. I like who I am.

I have the most incredible daughter in the world whose personality I love and who I have the honor of supporting as she crosses the threshold into becoming an amazing woman in her own right.

I am taking care of myself in ways that I have never taken care of myself before. And I’m doing a fine job of it.

Through loving myself, I have discovered that I am truly worth loving and that self-love is allowing me to develop and honor my boundaries.

I am living life on my own terms. I am designing the life that I want to live. I am doing work that I choose to be doing because I enjoy it.

My life isn’t perfect by any means but I am HAPPY!

And today I am celebrating that. There will be flowers! There will be dancing! There will be a dinner out tonight at a proper restaurant with my daughter. Hell, I might even spring for a massage for myself.  Can I afford any of this? No. Do I believe I’m worth celebrating? Hell yes!

I have to share this amazing song with you, that totally encapsulates how I feel.  Happy, by Pharell Williams. I got up this morning and the first thing I did was turn it on and dance like a crazy woman for about 15 minutes.

It’s from the soundtrack of Despicable Me 2. I admit, I adore cartoon movies. I rented Despicable Me 2 movie the other night on redbox and had such fun watching it. This song is brilliant and so catchy.

I went to look it up after watching the movie and guess what I found?  They have made the world’s first ever 24 hour music video of this song. Yes 24 hours! People of different genders, age and race take turns dancing down the street to this song. A new person each time the song loops around.  It’s possible everyone else in the world knows about this song but me, but I love it and encourage you to check it out.

Let me tell you, this is a dancing song. You can’t help but want to move your body when you hear it. If you run out of ideas of how to move, put on the 24 hour music video and copy whatever the person is doing! It’s fun. I promise.

So here’s to happiness and here’s to love. And if you’re not in that place today, I understand. Be kind to yourself and just be with yourself wherever you are and whatever you are experiencing . Honor that. It’s a great step into love.

It-is-important-to-make-someone-happy-and-it-is-important-to-start-with-yourself

Listen to Happy here:

Youtube version here:

Lyrics:

“Happy”

It might seem crazy what I’m about to say
Sunshine she’s here, you can take a break
I’m a hot air balloon that could go to space
With the air, like I don’t care baby by the way

Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do

Here come bad news talking this and that, yeah,
Well, give me all you got, and don’t hold it back, yeah,
Well, I should probably warn you I’ll be just fine, yeah,
No offense to you, don’t waste your time
Here’s why

Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do

Hey, come on

(happy)
Bring me down
Can’t nothing bring me down
Your love is too high to
Bring me down
Can’t nothing bring me down
I said (let me tell you now)
Bring me down
Can’t nothing bring me down
Your love is too high
Bring me down
Can’t nothing bring me down
I said

Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do

Hey, come on

(Happy)
Bring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down… your love is too high…
Bring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down, I said (let me tell you now)

Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do

Come on

 

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